I have a few LGBTQIA+ friends of color, trans friends, or nonbinary friends, and I asked a few of them who I hoped wouldn’t find it burdensome to answer the following question:

“Do you mind telling me some things you’d love cishet folks to do during Pride?” Or another version was : “If there is a particular way you’re hoping cishet folks would show up in solidarity during Pride, will you tell me?”

The responses of my unscientific survey:

• “I have something that I need from allies. I have a Queer nonbinary community member who got a notice to vacate today. They were uncomfortable asking for help, but was ok if I did for them. They are $xxx dollars behind. If any allies want to donate to help this Queer person stay housed during Pride Month, they have Venmo.”
• “In terms of an ask, I would say one specific thing: a lot of cishet people think allyship with trans/nonbinary folks just entails a simple change of language like using pronouns, but that’s not enough at all. I can tell when people use my pronouns are still misgendering me in other ways and still just perceive me as a man. Rather you need to fundamentally deconstruct your view of gender and destabilize your own sense of gender. You should work to get to a point where you aren’t assuming things of other people based on their appearance. And you shouldn’t take things for granted because of how you feel you will be (mis)perceived or how you think others will be (mis)perceived. I think true allyship comes from when people unsettle themselves as they work to stand in solidarity with those they want to be there for. If that makes sense.”
• “Show up and care.”
• (this will be paraphrased because it was given to me verbally) Give material and financial support to LGBTQIA+ activists of color and trans and nonbinary activists. These folks do a lot of free labor for the community. Everyone has something to give. Allies who have extra money need to give to these activists, who often put their jobs and their lives on hold to advocate for the community.”
• (this will also be paraphrased) “Become trustworthy by being authentic and doing the work to dismantle your internalized white supremacy, because that’s the source of all of this.”
• “A spa day. Could you pay for a massage with a trans therapist?”
• “Do you know who Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson are?”
• “Hey Laura! I had to really think about your question and here is what I came up with: what I need people to do when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community is to speak out especially given the fact that the community is so under attack here in Texas. This year alone I have had to deal with a state rep who was equating trans affirmative health care to Black genocide. I need people to speak out against erroneous claims such as that. I need people to also call out racism within the LGBTQ+ community. I have been in spaces dedicated to the community but experience anti-Blackness and no one speaks up and as usual it’s exhausting. I think people think that because marriage (equality) passed that the community is accepted but we are not. We too are seeing the rolling back of our rights and also our acceptance and we should be moving forward. If people care they should say something and not be silent especially given that many Black LGBTQ+ people fight for everyone but so few if anyone including our own fight for us.”

I was surprised. Nobody mentioned flying a Pride flag, wearing the rainbow (like my glasses frames), attending a parade or other event. I asked one trans friend about this, and they said (I’m paraphrasing) those are good but they are fairly shallow forms of allyship.

I also want to mention that about half of the folks I asked didn’t answer, and I’m glad they modeled good boundaries for me.

If you don’t know who the local LGBTQIA+ activists of color, trans activists, or nonbinary activists are, a good start is to “show up and care” and find out. If you want to be contacted when one of these activists has an ask, please contact an activist you know or me.